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Goldman roasted raw at Elks

Carl Goldman is target of slings and arrows from his 'friends' to benefit Samuel Dixon Family Health

Posted: January 28, 2009 8:24 p.m.
Updated: January 29, 2009 4:55 a.m.

Carl Goldman takes the "hot seat" for the annual roast at the Elks lodge to benefit the Samuel Dixon Health Centers, Inc.

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The hot coals on the spit outside of the Elks lodge on Sierra Highway flamed and crackled while grilling up a few hundred pounds of tri-tip. But it would become even hotter inside when they put the honorary roastee, KHTS Carl Goldman, on the spot for the 11th Annual Elks Charity Roast to benefit the Samuel Dixon Family Health Centers.

Mike Fisher, Elks Roast Committee chair, said he was thrilled Goldman was the 2009 Roastee.

"We were pretty desperate. Most people we invited turned down the offer. Carl's calendar was completely open," said Fisher.

Nearly 200 prominent members of Santa Clarita Valley civic, political and business society came out in their best black tie finery just to see what the happy roasters would do to skewer Goldman, the 2008 Man of the Year.

Proceeds from the event benefit the Samuel Dixon Family Health Centers, Inc. (SDFHC). This year's roast raised $65,000 for centers, which will be applied directly toward providing patient care.

The Warmup
As the guests drifted into the banquet hall, many anticipated the night's proceedings.

Bruce Fortine said he was relieved Goldman was on stage and not him.

"He's such a nice guy, a straight shooter," he said. "It's hard to find anything bad to say about him but I am sure they'll find something."

Councilman Bob Kellar then took the stage and welcomed the crowd.

He recognized some of the many VIPS for the evening, including the Elk's Exalted Ruler, Rick Dalton, and former mayors George Pederson and Marsha McLean.

"But the first VIPs tonight are those guys outside flipping steaks," Kellar said to appreciative applause.

Chaplain Tom Schmidt stepped up to give the invocation; past Exalted Ruler Jay Larkin led the "Pledge of Allegiance" and Samuel Dixon board President Ed Bolden thanked everyone for his or her support.

While the crowd feasted on the Elks well-known tri-tip, grilled chicken, chili and fresh green beans, Ed Masterson joined Kellar onstage for the live auction.

Coveted items included a holiday foray around the SCV on KHTS' vintage 1948 Mack fire truck, Dodgers VIP tickets and an "Entertainment Tonight" package. Masterson declared "batter up" when he announced a brand new prize - 30 minutes of batting practice with Hall of Fame baseball player Eddie Murray of Sand Canyon.

Next, Kellar offered up one of the legendary Elks barbecues at his house. Wayne Crawford bought one of the four packages for $2,000. Kerry Carmody of Providence Holy Cross purchased naming rights on an exam room at a Samuel Dixon clinic for $2,000.

In an especially romantic gesture, Chris Ball secretly placed the highest bid on a stunning diamond and sapphire bracelet for his wife, Krissy.

"It's her birthday tomorrow," he smiled.

But Krissy got yet another surprise, when she won the autographed bottle of wine from Eddie Murray, complete with a hug and a kiss.

"I'm from a gigantic baseball family, go Cubs," she said earlier. "If my dad knew I was sitting within 20 feet of Eddie Murray, he would go bananas up in heaven. Well, I guess he already knows."

Kellar peddled his "Sweet Lord" golf package at Robinson Ranch. Elk Don Dewhurst bravely stepped up and placed the highest bid of $1,000.

Roasted!
Wrapping up the live auction portion of the evening, Kellar spoke about the evening's honored guest.

"Why Carl? Besides bringing back KHTS, this would not be a great community without people of the caliber of Carl and Jeri Goldman," Kellar said. "During the 1994 earthquake, with the fires, closed roads, collapsed bridges and calamities, he had answers for the community and answers for our families.

Carl is a great father and a great family man and that's the last nice thing I'm going to say."

With that, Kellar stepped aside and let the roast begin.

First up were Janice Murray, of the Non-Profit Spotlight show on KHTS, and neighbor, Rachel Singer, to heap "praise" on Carl.

The Elks Roast is known for its no-holds-barred, ribald atmosphere.

Also roasting Goldman was Sand Canyon neighbors Jeff Hacker and Steve Sturgeon.

"Carl has found his niche, responding to disasters, monsoons, floods and earthquakes," Sturgeon said.

"But for those in the know, we think he creates them. Who buys a fire truck if you're not planning to go to them?"

After Sturgeon, the final roaster of the evening was Don Fleming.

"Carl had one of the best radio shows in the country," Fleming said. "Now look at him. He opens Walmarts with his purple truck, wearing his purple KHTS polo shirt. Hey Carl, does that come in men's sizes?" But Fleming ended the roast on an up note.

"Carl, I love you and thank you for all you and Jeri have done for this community," Fleming said.

Todd Sostek, former roommate of Carl Goldman from his college days in the 1970s marveled at the many things he learned about his long-time friend during the evening.

"I didn't know he creates disasters," he said. "That was new."

The Counter-roast
After all was said and done, Goldman launched a counterattack of his own. In what could be called a reverse roast, he was prepared and had the pictures to prove it.

"My male roasters were a car salesman, an attorney, a shredder and a politician... how hard is this going to be to rebut," Goldman said.

Goldman enlisted Sharon Bronson of KHTS to walk with a photo display that revealed Hacker in his Woodstock days, Kellar in neon glasses, Singer as a little girl in hippie garb and Sturgeon, and his fellow Hart district board members, as the Three Stooges. The audience gasped in mock horror at the spectacle.

Janice Murray wasn't left out. Bronson then displayed a giant photo of Halle Berry in a bikini with Janice Murray's face superimposed. Then they handed it to Eddie Murray as a keepsake.

Goldman saved the best for last. He pulled out a huge photo of Don Fleming in 1970s-era hot pants and an open-to-the-navel shirt.

"What were you thinking," Goldman said. "Man, you are like a bad scene in an Austin Powers movie."


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