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Steve Lunetta: Uncle Earl’s City Council

Right About Now

Posted: April 4, 2010 9:22 p.m.
Updated: April 5, 2010 4:55 a.m.
 

Sitting in the stands at Camelback Ranch, the Los Angeles Dodgers’ new spring training facility in Glendale, Ariz., Uncle Earl and I got to eat a hot dog, catch some rays and combine our two favorite hobbies — baseball and politics.

Both of these topics involve much conjecture and opinion. While facts are good, wildly speculative comments are often quite entertaining. Especially sitting beside my cranky-but-lovable uncle.

“Look at those kids on the field, my boy. Most of them aren’t even old enough to shave. Look at that Blake DeWitt playing second base for the Dodgers. Bet he still trades baseball cards with his friends.”

“He may, Earl. But that young kid has earned a spot on this team. He batted .370 through the spring and provided an adequate glove. It’s time he got his shot. But I predict the breakout star will be Andre Ethier.”

Earl considered that thought for a moment, then slowly shook his head. “Nope, Steven. Its going to be Matt Kemp in center field. Kemp batted .297 last year with 26 homers and 101 RBIs. And he was just warming up. Throw in a Gold Glove in 2009, and you’ve got the makings of an MVP.”

“Well, I’m not going to get into a rhubarb with you over who has the most potential.”

“That would be smart, especially since we have quite a rhubarb brewing over the City Council race in Santa Clarita. Why those folks are getting downright testy. Want a bag of peanuts?”

“No, thanks, Earl. I’ll wait for the ice cream guy. Actually, the council race is interesting indeed. Many excellent candidates, but I’m going to have to go with the incumbents, Frank Ferry, Laurene Weste and Marsha McLean. The city is extremely well managed and these folks are the ones who are primarily responsible.”

“My boy, you are talking like a political wonk. Aren’t you sick of the status quo? Don’t you want a change?”

“Yes I do, Earl, but I’m not going to take it out on these folks. They’ve worked hard to make our city clean, open, honest and responsible.”

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Aren’t you worried about back-room land deals, the closing of public roads due to ‘traffic’ concerns, backwards parking spots and moronic bike lanes? And let’s not forget that Ferry recruits athletes for Alemany right out of this valley!”

“You can’t say that, Earl. You’ve got no proof. Besides, its rather weak to blame Frank for the fall of some once-mighty programs. That simply isn’t fair.”

“OK, I’ll admit that last one was a reach. But look at the other candidates running against Weste, McLean and Ferry. Two of the most interesting are David Gauny and TimBen Boydston. Both seem to be mavericks who don’t accept the status quo.”

“Mavericks, eh?  Do they get a little maverick-y, Earl? Maybe we should call Sarah Palin and get her take?”

“Very Funny, my boy. David Gauny seemed to come from nowhere but has good and novel new ideas that we need injected into our local discourse. He’s also strong on illegal immigration and would support Bob Kellar on the council.”

“Hey ump — I’ve seen hurricanes with more eyes! Sorry Earl, you were saying?”

“And then there’s TimBen Boydston. This guy loves our community and is highly involved. Also, when he was on the City Council last time, he vowed publicly not to run for office when his appointed term was up. And he kept his word. Name a politician you can think of that has kept their word like that. I can’t think of one. This speaks volumes about the man and his integrity.”

“Hey blue! Is this your cell phone? Because it has three missed calls! Well, Earl, I’m afraid we’re going to need to agree to disagree.”

“There are some other worthwhile candidates as well.”

“In the end, Earl, the good voters of Santa Clarita should not listen to us but research the candidates and make an informed choice. Our City Council does important work and it should not be taken lightly.”

“Hey ump! Next time, try calling the game sober.”

“Well done, Earl! Now you’re getting the hang of this heckling — both in baseball and politics.

Steve Lunetta is a resident of Santa Clarita. His column reflects his own views and not necessarily those of The Signal. “Right About Now” appears Mondays. He can be reached at slunetta63@yahoo.com.

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