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Steve Lunetta: A Fairy Tale

Right Here Right Now

Posted: February 28, 2010 10:23 p.m.
Updated: March 1, 2010 4:55 a.m.
 

Once upon a time in the land of Nutsnfruits, lived the very wise and good King Arnold. The people loved King Arnold and the king loved them. Well, they used to until he knuckled under to the ogre and troll union a few years ago and gave away the goose that lays the golden (state) egg.

In his younger years, King Arnold was famous for parading around without many clothes, showing off a marvelous physique that made the harpies and nymphs swoon with delight.  

In his later years, however, the King had taken to wearing three-piece suits since someone apparently told him he was buck naked.

King Arnold made his money by entertaining the people of Nutsnfruits and many other lands. He often portrayed robotic knights who slew dragons, or at least other robotic knights sent by a fully-cognizant computer system that was intent on destroying all of mankind through advanced cybertronics.  

One day, good King Arnold made a proclamation; “Good but naïve people of Nutsnfruits, I come to you with great tidings. Thanks to the Great King in Washingdor, we have been stimulated by much gold to save employment! Cobblers, farmers, masons, barbers, bakers and candlestick makers will all have much work to do.”

A poor peasant in the crowd, Earl the Cranky, shouted out to the king, “How many jobs doth the king thinks he has saved?”  

Good King Arnold responded, “Methinks nearly 150,000 souls. Yes, many dwarves, elves and pixies are now employed due to the gifts from Washingdor.”

“But my King,” ventured the brave Earl, “were not most of these jobs created to slop the pigs in your castle, shine the royal carriage wheels, wash the windows in your tower and feed the narcissistic public employees?

How many jobs were created that had nothing to do with the government?”

“I, uh, er,” stammered King Arnold, “next question.”

Earl went on, “Good King, be ye not angry with your humble servant, but the Recovery.gov Web site lists all the places that the gold stimulation went. More than half went to the Department of Education.”

“And the gold sent to Advance Beauty College goes on for pages. Dost the King truly think the economic recovery lies in feeding the Education Beast and hairdressers?”

The King then yelled, “Where is the Queen? Why did she not inform me of this? She could have easily called me from her car and let me know.”

“And there is more, Good King” continued the brave Earl. “Prince Mitch McConnell of the House of Reaganites said that ‘the federal government (is) borrowing money from our grandchildren to send it down to (the governors) to make their employment situation with state employees less severe.

But ... if you look at the private sector, where job generation really needs to occur, the stimulus was sold to keep unemployment at 8 percent. It’s now almost 10 percent.’”

“It doth not matter” said the king, “because we have helped the people who matter most — the ogres, trolls, orcs and goblins who keep the government and public services running.”

But the magnificent Earl continued, “In the long run, good king, it is not public employees who keep the kingdom running and your coffers full. It is the small businessmen like the butcher, tailor and blacksmith who keep our economy healthy. Wealth creation is caused by businesses not public-sector employees.”

Upon hearing these words, King Arnold went back to his castle and thought long and hard. He reflected on his rash words, the folly of socialism, the magic of capitalism and the really cute milkmaid in the front row of the crowd.

Slowly, the good king changed his mind. He realized that the kingdom would truly be better without borrowed gold from our grandchildren and that the disastrous policies of the great king in Washingdor would only bring ruin for the Golden Egg State.

He decided to balance the budget, renegotiate retirement packages with the troll and ogre unions, reign in the spending of the castle and cut taxes so businesses could flourish.

His kingdom slowly but surely turned around and began to add real jobs that helped the peasants immensely. His coffers also began to refill as the lower taxes encouraged businesses to expand thereby increasing the economy and the tax base.

And they lived happily ever after. The end.

Steve Lunetta is a resident of Santa Clarita and a champion of all oppressed elves, dwarves and pixies. His column reflects his own views and not necessarily those of The Signal. “Right About Now” appears Mondays. He can be reached at slunetta63@yahoo.com.

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