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Kudos to the Rubins

Posted: November 4, 2009 9:54 p.m.
Updated: November 5, 2009 4:55 a.m.
 
Thank you for writing the article about the Rubin family and adoption ("‘It's like winning the lottery,'" Oct. 23).

I commend Matthew and Brenda Rubin of Valencia on their decision to adopt and their respectful, responsible way of handling two completely different situations.

I, too, found myself an adoptive mother in what seemed to be an instant in 1988 and very quickly realized I was guided only by instinct. You sift through all the stories you have ever heard, good and bad, and choose your path knowing full well the gravity of lifelong decisions.

I applaud the Rubins for keeping communications open with the birth mothers and for setting up clear boundaries from the start.

This is where Steven Covey's habit of "begin with the end in mind" applies.

Closed adoptions are closed doors and closed mouths, which resembles secret-keeping too closely. Secrets lead to troubled teens and adults. What a gift to give an adopted child or teen, knowing they were not left or abandoned but that other people out there care very much about them.

It's empowering.

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