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Steve Lunetta: Lessons in advanced liberalism

Right Here Right Now

Posted: October 25, 2009 10:48 p.m.
Updated: October 26, 2009 4:55 a.m.
 
One of my esteemed and talented fellow columnists has taken a sabbatical to spend time learning to be a better business leader. In a recent column, he learned to "be silent and listen."

I couldn't agree more. Liberals should learn to be silent and listen more.

However, in an effort to learn and understand liberals better myself, I enrolled in a seven-week course for advanced liberalism called "The Nancy Pelosi Just Do What I Say (JDWIS) Seminar."

The JDWIS Seminar is held on numerous college campuses throughout the year. In fact, it is held on nearly all college campuses daily since conservative ideas and those who espouse them are rarely allowed to become tenured teachers at these schools. Just look at the University of California system.

My first day started with transportation to the campus. Of course, I could not drive a gas-powered car to the location since that would be considered wasteful. Our travel options were limited to hybrids and public transportation.

Being the independent-minded soul that I am, I opted to ride a bike. That way, I could stick a playing card in the spokes and make lots of noise as I rode to class.

The first day of instruction was probably the hardest. It was filled with numerous contradictions.

Students were told to be free thinkers and think outside the box. But later, we were told that conformance was better and that doing what the government wanted "would be better for us."

We were told liberals could spend tons of public money but also cut our taxes. Massive new government programs would actually save us money since we would be spending money.

Subsequent lessons on different days also brought greater clarity to the liberal thought process.

During the class entitled "You're the Best!" we were told to recognize minor accomplishments as major and ignore major accomplishments that don't fit your way of thinking. Indoctrinate kids early into this paradigm through "self-esteem" programs in schools, instead of lifting up kids who excel in academics, arts and sports.

In the "People Good and Guns Bad" class, we learned the root of all evil is guns. Guns are clearly the cause of all crime and should be banned. Look in any newspaper - stories of bandits, gang shootings, robberies and homicide all routinely involve guns. Take away ammo too - or at least make it extremely difficult to buy. I guess these folks never heard of mail order.

"Manipulating the Media 101" was a fascinating class. If Fox News runs stories that are contradictory to the talking points, give them a label and dismiss them. Of course, use left-leaning media outlets (MSNBC or CNN) to get the liberal viewpoint to the public.

Make sure that facts aren't checked and that the reporters who work on stories are lazy. Excellence in editorializing should be encouraged while boring, shoe-leather stories that report facts are relegated to lower priority or are ignored.

There was also a fun class called "Labor Confusion." The instructor in this class taught us how to get labor unions to align with left-wing ideology by controlling their leadership and ignoring the needs and opinions of the rank-and-file.

This way, no one would realize that labor support of illegal immigration is actually contrary to the best interests of the union membership (larger labor pool, depressed wages).

In "Family Values for the Masses," we learned how liberals convince everyone they support families through entitlement programs and clever marketing. This has been especially effective in the Hispanic community.

Christian values in Hispanic families are far more closely aligned with the Republican party than Democratic. Liberals will struggle mightily with this issue in the coming years as Hispanics realize they have little in common with the left.

In "Smoke and Mirrors for the State," the class was taught how to remain in power in state government even though their rule has been largely incompetent and potentially disastrous. Through gerrymandered safe voting districts and large donations from organized labor, power can be maintained with little risk of significant change.

The JDWIS Seminar was concluded with all of the students in the same auditorium. We chanted the mantra "just stop thinking" and tightly clutched our freshly printed copies of "Das Kapital." The speaker then told us a key life lesson that all liberals should remember: "When everything else fails, go on Letterman."

When I got home, I kissed my wife and kids, petted the dog and turned on Mark Levine. Whew. Just in time.

Steve Lunetta is a Santa Clarita resident. His column reflects his own views and not necessarily those of The Signal. "Right About Now" appears Mondays in The Signal

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