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Steve Lunetta: The RAN mailbag

Posted: August 7, 2014 2:00 a.m.
Updated: August 7, 2014 2:00 a.m.
 

We here at the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, also known as the Party of No (or is that “Know”?) often get letters from our loyal readers. Several are reproduced here for your reading enjoyment.

Dear VRWC: I have a problem. How do I save water but still keep my yard looking beautiful? Please advise. Signed, brown thumb in the SCV
Brown Thumb: I have discovered that low-water plants like society garlic and lantana are great plants that are extremely drought tolerant. All of our local water agencies have suggestions on low-water landscaping — you might want to go to their websites.
Also, the folks over at Green Thumb on Railroad Avenue helped me out immensely. Definitely work on this before the Water Nazis come knocking on your door to fine you $500 for “overwatering.”

Dear VRWC: What do you think about instant replay in baseball? I introduced it as a way to insure correct calls on the field. B. Selig
Hey Bud: Instant replay, on the surface, sounds like a great idea.
But every game I have seen this year has been slowed by a five- or 10-minute delay in play while the replay officials are looking at video. This delay is annoying.
And the perceived “value” is questionable. Bad calls have always been part of baseball and, in my experience, always go both ways.
Did your team get “robbed” on that call? I guarantee the other team will experience the same in the next inning.
Let ‘em play ball, Bud!

Dear conservatives: what should I do to solve the water crisis? J. Brown
Governor: Look at what just happened. We have a little rain, get flash flooding, and all of the water is gone. Why don’t we build retention ponds to capture this water when it comes and not allow it to just run to the ocean?
On top of that, you are spending $68 billion on a bullet train that we do not need. No one will be riding a train in an arid wasteland.
Let’s build better water infrastructure and maybe a few desalination plants. Isn’t that a better use of this money?

Dear Party of No: Why won’t your minions do what I want? I am the president! You must bend to my will and serve my whims, mortals! B. Obama
Sir: Um, no. Here is the problem you are facing: conservatives for so long have compromised and negotiated with an intractable and unbending left. This has caused a slow but steady move to the left on nearly all issues economic and social.
Many of these folks are now angry and want to push back. Maybe you know them by another name: the tea party?
Here is the deal. You are now going to need to give and negotiate to the right. My concern, however, is that you may not be able to do so now.
You have become accustomed to getting you way in most areas. Can you compromise? Can you work with an unbending right? Time will tell.

Dear VRWC: Why don’t you stand up against these new electronic billboards along the 14 freeway? Why doesn’t the City Council respect us? A grumpy citizen
Grumpy: You collected signatures on a petition and got the council to act. They voted to allow the SCV to vote on this in the fall. They respected you and gave you what you asked for.
Frankly, I like the idea of dumping a large number of ugly billboards in exchange for two or three electronic billboards along the freeway. Not sure who really loses in this deal.
But, please campaign and make your case to the people.

Dear Right-Wingers: We hope you are ready for $5 per gallon gas by the end of the year. Our cap-n-trade initiatives are saving the globe! Looney Tree Huggers
Huggers: I hope you are happy but we do see a ray of sunshine. Democrats are now crossing over to join Republicans in stopping the excesses of the California Global Climate Change craziness.
Hopefully, this can be fixed before new taxes will drive fuel costs through the roof, impacting transportation, grocery and retail prices.

Dear VRWC: I have greatly enjoyed your columns! Keep it up. E. Bobeck
E: Thanks, Mom

So ends another set of excellent letters from our readers. And many thanks to The Mighty Signal for allowing us to express our freedom of speech each and every day.
Steve Lunetta is a resident of Santa Clarita and the grand imperious leader of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. He can be reached at slunetta63@yahoo.com.

 

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