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Confessions of a (formerly) skinny kid

Posted: August 29, 2013 2:00 a.m.
Updated: August 29, 2013 2:00 a.m.

The following confession of a previously skinny kid is offered for the benefit of all your male readers who are approaching your senior years.

Let me explain that as far back as I can remember, I was skinny. Not just a little skinny — I was the skinniest kid in kindergarten, first grade, and all through elementary school.

I was probably the skinniest kid in high school, but there were about 400 of us so I can’t be sure.

If the pants were long enough the waist was far too big. Often they were altered so much that the two back pockets touched.

But things got a whole lot better in my 20s, 30s and 40s. I gained just a little weight and clothing manufacturers started making pants a bit differently. The result was that my pants fit just great.

However, things began to change as I got older and in my senior years something horrible happened. I developed a belly!

I didn’t gain any wait, but my stomach just sagged. It was terrible. The worst of it was that I couldn’t keep my pant up.

No matter how tight I made my belt, my pants fell down and were supported only by my hip bones. I looked awful and felt even worse.

Then my wife and I went to a musical at the Santa Paula Playhouse. There were four male singers, and to my surprise and delight, they were wearing something that would keep my pants up — suspenders!

I don’t know why I never thought of it, but that was the solution to my predicament.

So now, gentlemen readers, be aware of what’s to come as you get older. You can go to the gym, get a personal trainer, and do all kinds of exercises to keep that belly from developing — and that’s probably a good idea.

But there’s another option — get suspenders.


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